For some, it takes life-altering moments that encourage change. For my mother, there were two (that I know of). One was a drug raid at our house where the police found a large amount of cocaine inside children's party balloons. She took a deal and her boyfriend did time. The other was when the same boyfriend beat her so bad he ruptured her spleen and left her for dead…in front of her children. We waited while EMT worked vigorously to save her life. My older siblings recall them saying, “she’s gone.” Then moments later saying, “she’s back.” We never saw him again.
She found the strength to leave him, but her addiction stayed around for a while. With seven children, affording drugs without a drug-dealing boyfriend would prove to be difficult and would cause mother to do the unthinkable.
There’s a knock at the door. While holding my baby brother, mother walks to open it. I follow, lightly holding on to her gown. There’s a strange man on a bike having a familiar conversation with her. He looks down at me and says to her, “let me take her for a bike ride.” I grabbed her gown tighter. First, she says no, but he tells her, “she’ll be fine, I’m just taking her on a ride. I’ll bring her right back.” Mother looks at me and pushes me forward. I shrug while trying to hold on to her. She pushes me harder and says, “Just go, Shannon. You’ll be fine.” He hands her something and then places me on the bike. First on the handlebars, then he puts me on the front part of the seat. His long fingers with sharp nails enter me. The tears roll down my face but I’m too scared to make a sound. I’m hurting. I want to go home. He finally takes me back to her. Mother opens the door and tells me to go play with my brothers. She never asked….anything. The strange man on the bike came back another day, and again mother told me to go with him.
Bury it. No one is coming to help.
S
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