College opened up to the idea of independence for me. I worked hard to make the grades, and I met new friends who were trying to make a better life for themselves as well. I was enrolled in an accounting program, numbers came easy for me. The guy I was with was angry, and he tried everything to make it hard for me to attend. After a while he refused to take me school and would take my money so I couldn’t catch the bus. He would tell me he didn’t give a damn if I ever got there. His anger intensified, so one day my friends helped me move my things out of his mother’s house while he was gone.
I stayed with a friend until I found a place of my own. It was a dump in a poor neighborhood, but it was mine. I got to school, I took care of my daughter and we ate every day. At that time, it was enough for me. One day on my way back home, I saw his sister-in-law. She told him she saw me, and before I knew it, he had hoovered his way back into my life. He promised so much and changed so little. I was weak and I felt stupid! Why couldn’t I say no? Just when I got the courage to do it, I found out I was pregnant. I remember thinking, he was right. No man will ever want me, especially now that I have two children with two different fathers.
One day I was getting my daughter ready for daycare so that I could head to school. He looked at me with complete disgust and told me I was selfish. He said, “How could you still want to go to college when you have another baby coming? A real mother would put herself last. Besides, I’m almost ten years older than you. Let me focus on my career first, then we can think about yours.” I heard him, but I wasn’t listening. School was the only place I found confidence in my voice, and I wasn’t about to give that up. I continued going until the baby came.
We eventually moved to Richmond, of course, further away from my friends. As they started graduating college, I was there to celebrate them. Knowing one day I would return and graduate too. He literally hated it. Once, I joined a friend for her dinner celebration. I was so excited for her. When she took me home everything I owned was on the lawn. Yes, everything! Even my daughters things. My friend tried to help me gather my clothes while I looked for another way into the house. He had locked all of the windows and changed the locks on the doors. Then out of nowhere he yelled, “You’re not coming in! Stay out there with the rest of the hoes.”
That night I slept at my friend’s house and reluctantly returned the next day.
S
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