After the gathering at my brother's house, we continued planning the services. An aunt and uncle chipped in, but not without comments being made. My eldest brother insisted they only contributed because my aunt knew how to make it a tax deduction. I didn’t know their true motive and largely didn’t care. It was just interesting that, according to my mother, they had refused to assist her while she was living, yet here they were giving money for her death.
Funerals have a way of forcing unresolved issues to rise to the surface. In the days and months leading up to my mother's death, she lived in a homeless shelter. Yes, in a city filled with brothers, sisters, and sons, she found herself in a shelter due to a combination of illness and poor financial decisions. After the shelter closed and there were no other options, my younger brother finally took her in.
Knowing this, it was no surprise when I learned that my eldest aunt had left a directive before her passing, stating that she did not want her siblings to attend her funeral. I understood completely. Not only did I not want to be in the same room as a rapist, molester, and child abuser, but I also dreaded seeing the toxic individuals my mother considered friends. One, in particular, showed up, and my siblings immediately reverted to the fearful children who had suffered under her abuse. But not me. I wanted her to know that we remembered her rapist and abusive brother, and we also recalled every instance she came to our home and beat my siblings as well. Summoning all the strength within me, I firmly told her to leave and allow us to grieve our mother in peace.
Growing up, we were taught codes of conduct that have proven to be more harmful than helpful. Phrases like "What goes on in the house, stays in the house" and "Blood is thicker than water" were ingrained in us. In our family, this allowed an uncle and others to rape and beat children, framing such abuse as normal household behavior that was no one else's business. Maybe this is why they boldly show up to funerals.
Comentarios