Mother did her best to keep to herself. She didn't want to upset my brother or give him a reason to prove to his wife that he was going to put her feelings before mother's. She continued to go to her doctor's appointments and visit her friends when she could, but the entire time, she knew something we didn't. She was dying. The doctors had already told her.
After each of her appointments, I would ask her, "How do you feel?" She would say, "I'm at peace. I'm okay." I didn't know what she knew, I just thought she had accepted the weekly appointments as her new normal. One day I asked her if she needed anything. She said no, but she wanted to tell me about a journal she kept on her computer and that she documented it as often as she could. I acknowledged it and went on, however, I could tell it was very important to her.
I was at home one day, getting ready for work when the phone rang. It was my younger brother. He was crying and yelling. I couldn't make out what he was saying right away, but then I heard the words..she's dead. I yelled, "Who's dead?" he said, "Mom, she's dead. I came into her room and she was on the floor. She's cold. Oh my God, mom's dead." I screamed. How could this happen? This can't be real. I just spoke with her the day before. My brother started to explain how he called 911 and walked around the house out of shock. He said he found her container where she kept her medication. She was supposed to take them daily and she didn't take her pills the day before. He yelled, "She didn't take her medicine."
Mother was tired, and she wanted to rest. I would later learn from my stepdad that he and mother had spoken. He was the only one who knew she was dying. She made him promise not to tell anyone. She didn't want to burden us. She had accepted that her life choices defined her ending and she didn't blame anyone. She was at peace. She apologized to him for all that she had done. He forgave her, in fact, he still loved her.
That day my world stopped. My mother and dear friend was gone.
S
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