The messages from my ex would continue to be delivered by my son, and I began to witness a child who truly believed he no longer needed to respect his mother. He started failing classes, gambling at school, and fighting. You name it, he did it. I did my best to get him out of most situations. But the more I helped the worse he got. From middle school to high school my son was not only failing classes, he was failing grade levels. Each time I would speak to the teacher. In the last week of the school year they would give me a large amount of work that my son needed to complete in order to be promoted. With my daughter’s help, the three of us would sit at the kitchen table and plow through the lessons. I would tell myself, “I have to help him now in order to protect his future.” I couldn’t have been more wrong.
One year my son failed so many classes, I was told he would have to attend summer school in order to get to the next grade level. I put my foot down, and said, “You’re going to summer school because I’m not helping you this time. You need to learn your lesson.” He called his dad and told him that I wanted him to fail, and that I wasn’t a good mother because I wasn’t supporting him.” True to form, his dad called me and said, “You are fucking awful. What kind of mother let’s her son fail. I wish I didn’t have children with you. I can’t believe I have to deal with this shit.” The gaslighting was thick, and it hurt. I loved my children, even though I saw my son being emotionally taken from me.
That year he attended summer school and earned all A’s. He would, however, continue the fighting, gambling and disrespecting his teachers and coaches. Then it happened. In his sophomore year of high school there was a knock at the door. It was the Sheriff. He was there to serve me paperwork from my ex asking the court to give him custody of my son. Included in the documents was a signed affidavit from my son saying he no longer wanted to live with me, and that he wanted to live with his father. I carefully read everything, and asked my son if he knew about this, and if so, when did he sign the affidavit. He said, yes he knew. His dad picked him up from school one day to take him to a bank to sign the affidavit and to have it notarized. I said, okay and I continued to get them off to school. I didn’t yell or ask any more questions. I simply said, okay.
My ex told my son not to tell me. He promised him a better life with him. He said, “If you live with me you can play football at a better school. I’ll get you a car and you’ll have more freedom.” It was like Satan himself seducing my son out of a house of safety and protection. He told my son, “Don’t tell your mother. Let the Sheriff tell her.” In that moment, and many others, he taught my son to deceive and harm his own mother.
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