I did my best to protect my children from his venom. Each visit he had with my son was an opportunity for him to fashion my baby’s thinking. When he would return my son, he would be draped in new close, shoes, the latest video games and a new message to tell me. “My dad said you are broke and can’t afford to take care of me.” “My dad always has money to buy me things.” “My dad said he divorced you because you’re a bad person," “I have more fun at my dad’s house.” Month after month, his abusive messages were delivered to me through my child’s voice. No matter how hard I tried to counter the abuse with love, my son’s innocence was fading.
My ex was right about one thing. I didn’t have a lot of money. But I had a tremendous amount of love, and I poured all of it into my children. I worked two jobs and it was barely enough to pay the bills. I would apply for time-share seminars so that I could afford to take them on vacation each year. I would take cooked food and use the $100 visa gift card given to each attendee after the sales pitch. Sometimes I would sit in two seminars per visit, just to get $200. It worked. My children had amazing vacations and I was proud to see the smiles on their tiny faces.
Their interest in sports also helped. My son loved football and my daughter enjoyed cheerleading. They were so cute. Making sure they were active proved to be the medicine needed to keep their minds off my ex’s divisive behavior between visits. Until I noticed my son’s messages from his father began to shape the way he saw his sister.
One day my son came home from a visit. True to form, he had a new starter jacket, new Jordans and the latest video game. My daughter looked at him in amazement. She said, “Wow, you have a lot of new things. Can I see your game?” My son looked at her with contempt and said, “No, it’s not my fault your dad doesn’t do anything for you!” She was devastated and went to her room. I looked at him and asked why he would say such a thing. He said, “My dad told me he was better than her dad because he buys me whatever I want.”
That day I sat my son down to explain to him that his sister deserved his love simply because she was his sister. And that we are not unkind to people in my home. I also applied consequences for his behavior. I donated the new close, shoes and games to children in need and told both of my children that material possessions would never define good and bad in my home. It would take a while before my son learned his lesson. As he was convinced that both my daughter and I were just jealous of he and his dad.
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